This blog just drag me, snatch me, and beat me up (respectfully) because here i am reading and all my brain kept giving me were those different moments were i have felt this way. But I think there are a lot of Queer men out there who could benefit from learning that they have a tribe - one that doesn’t glorify anal sex as the baseline form of intimacy. “Side” might not roll off the tongue as easily as “top” and “bottom,” and talking about being a side might feel awkward. While most of us can admit they fail to capture our complexity, we can also recognize the joy and power in finding others who connect with us thanks to shared words, a common language.
These oversimplified terms help us find others. Sex is such an important part of my life, and words like “bottom” and “versatile” barely do justice to what I am and what I like in bed, yet I can’t think of many words that describe me better. Sexuality and gender are difficult, complex, intensely personal concepts that resist simple labels. But even if someone doesn’t understand the new terms or see the need for them, it’s not hard to understand the intention behind their creation.įinding words for who we are and how we feel may be the oldest human struggle. Queer elders tend to bemoan the expanding acronym (along with the word “queer”) as a snowflake invention, and I’m sure it sometimes looks like we’re composing identities out of thin air. We should welcome sides the same way we welcome new words to our ever-expanding LGBT acronym. But single-word identities are helpful for dating and building communities, so we keep them. Sexuality is a complex, fluid, ever-evolving thing. So much of gay culture, from eggplant emojis to butt shorts, codes anal sex into our lives. If “side” became a widely recognized sexual identity, it would break this heteronormative top-bottom binary that Queer men are forced to exist in.īeneath all these words and terms is a truth we’re just scratching at - that human sexuality can’t be reduced to single-word identities. If I didn’t love anal sex, I’d probably feel ashamed and shut out from the fun, so I imagine sides often feel overlooked and left out. Even with all these issues, anal sex is widely considered the default sex between men. Thanks to porn, our culture glorifies big dicks and idealizes hypermasculine, aggressive, ultra-confident tops, making average men (most of us) feel inadequate by comparison and leaving feminine and submissive tops out in the cold. And while many bottoms may envy the perceived ease of being a top, tops have their troubles too.
SIDE GAY SEX POSITION TRIAL
If you don’t like topping or bottoming, you might be a side.īottoming is a lot of work, preparation, diet management, and trial and error to find a cleaning routine that works.
I’ve known many guys who are total tops not because they love topping, but because they find bottoming too painful and unpleasant. Additionally, some may have medical reasons that make anal sex impossible. So it’s no surprise to me that some men simply don’t like it at all. And often, after all the work, it’s still unenjoyable. There’s nothing more crushing than that feeling, after being horny all day, consuming a careful bottoming diet, planning a wild night, and realizing after an hour-long cleaning attempt that I’ll be spending the night watching Netflix.Īnal sex is hard. I can’t count how many nights, after unsuccessful douching, I’ve wished that I wanted something else or wished that this whole messy business was easier. I do focus on anal sex a lot, and I rarely talk about its frustrations. I’m probably guilty of spreading the idea that anal sex is the default way for men to connect sexually. To the sides of the world, I say welcome. They may be into mutual masturbation, oral sex, and various non-penetrative kinks, but topping and bottoming aren’t on the list. “ Sides” are queer men who enjoy sex but for various reasons do not enjoy anal sex. But there are whisperings of a fourth sex role for Queer men, or at least some Queer writers are trying to establish one. The prevailing gay doctrine says we are divided into three sex roles - top, bottom, and versatile.